Is your groom-to-be bothered?

Today Mr Jones and I had a conversation about the wedding. It began after Mr Jones called a coach company for a quote to get our guests to and from Lyveden - which is in the back of beyond. Apparently once he put the phone down I was supposed to give him a round of applause, hug him, kiss him and tell him what a bloody marvellous job he'd done - ta very much.

Unfortunately I didn't do this. I asked him why he had told the coach company to pick people up at 3.30pm when I'd clearly said 3.15pm and why he'd also added an extra hour onto the end of our wedding? This was met with some terse words about my being ungrateful, picky and far too unapprecative of his efforts to help.

The conversation then turned to the fact that I rarely receive a thank you for all my efforts and that if I did he'd be doing nothing but thank me 24 hours a day. Things esculated and it turned into one of those jolly little discussions that result in my eyes brimming with tears and Mr Jones doing a lot of stomping and looking at me with contempt and despair.

The result of this exchange, as far as I can gather, is this: The wedding is 90 per cent about me and only 10 per cent about Mr Jones (he assures me said 10 per cent is basically the fact that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me -and this did go someway to assuage my ill humour).

Mr Jones isn't really interested in the other 90 per cent of the day because he's sure that whatever I decide to do will be just lovely. He therefore doesn't have an opinion on anything and doesn't say: "Whatever you think is best dear" to annoy me - but because truly he really couldn't give a monkeys.

Now I don't know about you, but I find this all rather upsetting. I'd like it to be "our" wedding and for it to be about both of us. I never really thought he was serious when he said that he'd just be turning up on the day - but it seems that's the plan.

So if come the 21st August you see Mr Jones, dressed in his full wedding regalia, wondering around Lyveden gazing in open mouthed amazement - please point him in the direction of the aisle - because I'm pretty sure he won't have a clue where it is!