Nearly there

The boy is nearly one. We're having a party. It's turning in to quite a big one. It's supposed to be in the garden. The weather isn't looking too great. Come Saturday 60 people including 15 children may well be crammed into one newly converted barn (hear the beads of sweat forming on my mother's brow). But fingers crossed the weather will play ball and we can play in the garden.

The boy is a bit confused - he can't decide whether to walk or crawl. He's decided he likes Mr Jones more than me - apart from when he wakes up in the night when apparently only mummy will do. I think money must be changing hands somewhere. Today he took two tiny steps away from me and to his Daddy - of course. Jolly exciting.

Mr Jones has a new job, he is currently on garden leave - I'd like it noted that he hasn't so much as picked up a trowel or touched the lawn mower. He has however cleaned out the shed, helped me decorate the sitting room and built me some shelves. I go back to work next week - Mr Jones still has three weeks off - grr.

We have a new garden - it's across town and is full of trees - and nettles and ivy - but one day it will be beautiful and the perfect place for small boys ang girls to play. There are ponies in the next field. On Saturday we took our tools down there to clear some mess - then we sat in the sun and drank champagne instead - ooooh get us.

Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to be too happy? Then the ever present pessimist in me thinks that at some point something horrid will happen to take it all away. I hope not. It's marvellous to be very happy.

Spring is springing

The greyness of the sky is starting to get to me - I feel the need for blue and that yellow thing that radiates heat and that is apparently called the sun. I'm sure it was out last week but that seems like a loooooooong time ago. I'm convinced my vitamin D stores are well and truly depleted and even the big freckle that is always on my nose seems to be looking a touch wan.

As if to save me from a phenomenal bout of SAD and to give me enough hope to get through the day - the garden is sprouting things. There are green shoots amid the dead bits, buds on the trees and blubs poking up through soil (along with a whole heap of weeds, but I'm glossing over that). Call me impatient bu I cannot wait for warmer weather, for flip flops, a baby who just wears a nappy (and select items from Mini Boden), and tomatoes that actually taste of something.

In other news Mr Jones came back for a sleepless night and has gone again for a bit of hotel room induced peace - to say I am jealous is an understatement - but then he does have to work as well.

The boy spent an hour and a half awake last night - chatting - not crying, not crawling around in his cot - just chatting. I changed his nappy, I shhhhhh'd, I tutted and tossed and turned and swore and screamed (silently into my pillow). At 4am I gave in and fed him and he went straight back to sleep. This has happened a fair bit of late.

In desperation I have reintroduced the mid morning feed that I axed two weeks ago in a bid to see if he'll sleep through again. The Health Visitor (who isn't worried, no not in the slightest) mentioned that when babies start crawling their sleep patterns go awry - so it could be that. The first problem is that her solution was controlled crying - but how do you do controlled crying when your baby isn't crying?? The second problem is that he started to crawl at the same time as we dropped with mid morning milk feed - and two days later the sleep issues happened - so we don't know the cause. He is eating his solids well and has never demanded the feed back but when I offered it to him this morning he was all for it.

So now I have mother guilt - for messing around with his routine, for taking the feed away in the first place, for possibly starving him for the past two weeks, for not being able to help him to sleep at the night, for swearing and screaming into my pillow, for eating a Galaxy Ripple (you might think this is unconnected but I blame sleep deprivation for my weak will - I don't even like Galaxy I'm a Cadbury's girl - so the guilt is doubled).

I guess in the morning we'll know - if he sleep through then I stand up to be judged for depriving my son of calories (while feeding myself unnecessary bars of chocolate). If he doesn't sleep through then I may need a large gin to wash down a multipack of finger of fudges or a family sized bar of Green and Blacks - do they do family sized bars?

Maternity leave manifesto

Everyone else seems to be writing manifestos at the moment – so I thought I might as well write one too. Luckily I don’t have to worry about the country’s debt, how on earth to overhaul the education system or whether or not Trident is really necessary – no my concerns are far more frivolous, but no less important (in my mind anyway). So this is my manifesto - a maternity leave manifesto if you will – spelling out my intentions for the next five weeks.

I will sort out the wardrobes and donate all the clothes we haven’t worn in ages to charity [Note – I may or may not include Mr Jones in this – his wardrobe needs a serious detox and his presence might hamper proceedings somewhat.]

I will weed the front garden – getting rid of a particularly offensive dandelion which mocks me every time I leave the house with is bolshy yellowness amid my blue, white, purple and pink colour scheme (maybe I should give up having a colour scheme? Should gardens have colours schemes – discuss)

I will rejig the kitchen cupboards to make room for all things baby….and get rid of packets of things that have been haunting the depths of the kitchen for months – possibly years.

I will plant things in the veg patch and encourage the cats to find somewhere else to sleep that is less muddy.

I will clean the oven – because clearly it is abhorrent to oven repairmen

I will scrub the hall floor back to it’s pristine Victorian gloriousness and then I’ll wax it and buff it before returning the floor buffer to Mrs Norman (I’ve had it in the loft for the last year and the poor woman hasn’t been able to buff her floors – though I have to say she hasn’t complained)

I will listen to my hypnosis for birth cd at least every other day, take my raspberry leaf tea capsules and invest in some clary sage.

I will buy a decent camera and learn how to take proper pictures just like this fabulous woman does

I will get our wedding and honeymoon pictures printed and framed

I will pack my hospital bag

I will eat breakfast outside

I will go to a café and enjoy just being on my own

I will talk to Baby Jones and maybe take him/her to the sea

I will finish the telling of our love story