The weetabix diet

In my line of work I come across many a crash diet - and I've always been very scathing of them all. That is until I worked out that I have just six, tiny little months to become slim and lovely for my wedding.

Mrs B-S looked marvelous on her wedding day and attributes her slim frame to a diet of weetabix and fruit for breakfast, a salad or sandwich for lunch and another round of weetabix for dinner. Now as a rule I hate breakfast and all things breakfast related. I never eat cereal and can only managed toast after being awake for three hours or so. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

So yesterday I bought weetabix and this morning I adorned one with a yogurt and some fruit. I enjoyed the first few flakey, crispy wheaty mouthfuls, until, all of a sudden my teeth were covered in a wheat based cement. Every bite became a chore to swallow and my throat started to revolt. I managed to get through the bowl and spent the first 2 hours of my day feeling like I had a concrete block sat in my stomach.

Then the volcanic churning started and my sensitive little insides were in uproar. I am now sporting a distended stomach that looks like it should belong to someone expecting the imminent arrival of a small child. I've also been starving since about 10.30am.

So - the weetabix diet is a no go for me. I shall have to find another way of reducing my arm and belly fat by August. If anyone would like to offer a home to the 11 remaining weetabix (or should that be weetabricks?) in the packet feel free to come and collect them.

Your bloated friend Mrs Jones-to-be