An hour and a half I'll never get back

Yesterday after some fresh air and a visit from the sister girl Mr Jones and I settled down to watch Arsenal vs Chelsea. Mr Jones was born and bred in Highbury and is therefore a bona fide gooner - I am a mere bystander. Mr Jones was asleep after 10 minutes. I spent the first 15 minutes being impressed by the skillful passing, then I got bored due to the lack of action and took to pondering:

1 Why Arsene Wenger feels the need to dress in a duvet? Who can have any respect for a man who wears such a hideous puffer jacket? Warm it might be, but with your salary Mr Wenger surely a cashmere coat and some silk thermals would be more appropriate? But then I suppose taste is inherited, not earnt - just look at the Beckhams.

2 There should be a law against people over the age of 21 chewing gum. Gum is disgusting at any age - but if you're an ageing football coach you should most certainly not be chanking it on television for all to see. Try a mint - I like M&S Curiously Strong Mints - which freshen your breath without rendering you incapable of polite conversation.

3 If I owned a football club I would provide each player with a tissue and suggest they tuck it in the waist band of their shorts for use during matches. This would do away with the unnecessary and totally offensive spitting and nose clearing onto the ground that seems to be rife amongst sporting types.

4 Just what conditioner does Mr Rosicky use on that hair of his? Even in the pouring rain it still looked touchably soft.

Why I didn't change the channel is beyond me, what a waste of 90 minutes, I could have been watching the food channel and living vicariously through people who are able to eat food other than build up shakes and keep it down.