Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Pregnant or just fat?

It might just be ingrained paranoia but I've noticed that people have started staring at me. Some of them look quizzical, others look concerned and slightly disgusted (probably because I've just pulled an "I'm going to be sick any moment" expression) and others just plain gawp. I've decided that this probably has something to do with the fact that they can't work out whether I am actually pregnant or if I've just got an unusually large pot belly. At 17 weeks pregnant what you wear really makes a difference.

On a rare outing to the pub the other day I was wandering off to the loo (wearing a skirt held up with a hairband and spotty Boden top - I'm clinging to the Boden for as long as possible) when I encountered a group if clearly underage drunkards on the stairs. "Ahhh look," slurred one. "She's got a baby in her tummy." I smiled at this and thought - it's a good job I have because otherwise I may have had to slap you.

Mr Jones and I went to the Nutcracker at the Royal Opera House the other evening and had dinner before the performance (a bit poncy and we'd eat somewhere else next time - but pleasant all the same). Having battled my way through half a shallot tart tatin I gave up and sat rubbing my bump which was ensconced in a damson coloured Betty Jackson frock which still fits. The waitress came over and asked if everything was alright with my meal. After explaining I was full she remarked - staring disdainfully towards my distended gut - "yes you look full!" Mr Jones laughed - and I smiled kindly and said - "Well there is a baby in there too". "Oh" said she. "Congratulations" and ran.

If you see someone in the street who could perhaps, maybe, possibly be pregnant - just smile politely and try not to stare - it's really not nice being made to feel like a side show at a circus. Thoughtfully Baby Jones is still campaigning to prevent me from gaining too much weight - so I have little risk of becoming fat - so in my case it's all bump.

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