One month in

Today I have been Mrs Jones for one whole month - it's going well!

So today I thought I'd share our ceremony with those of you who missed it.

Picture the scene: A bright, but blustery day, at Lyveden New Bield, with big dramatic clouds and patches of perfect blue sky. Rows of chairs sit on the grass facing an Elizabethan mound and sparkling water. The back drop is an unfinished Elizabethan shooting lodge. The seats are filled with smiling guests and a nervous Mr Jones stands at the top of the aisle next to Ingrid the humanist minister.



Two bridesmaids dressed in mocha and pink from Coast walk towards the ceremony site. Behind them, it's horn tooting, comes a cream convertible Morris Minor driven by the Father of the Bride and carrying a very anxious Mrs Jones to be.


Over the breeze you can here the opening bars of The Blowers Daughter by Damien Rice. Chosen because we both loved the film Closer.

I start my walk up the aisle, clamping my hand to my veil to stop it escaping into the wind (I fail when I reach Mr Jones and want to hold his hand - so the maid of honour holds it instead).



Ingrid begins:

In different cultures throughout the world, many traditions are associated with weddings, and one of these is for the bride’s father to give his blessing to the union by accompanying his daughter down the aisle and giving her hand in marriage to her husband. Rebecca’s father, Mr. Peter Speechley is proud to be here today, not only to support his daughter, but to also to publicly declare his affirmation of her choice to spend her life with Tim. And so, before all the family and friends gathered here, I ask…

Peter, are you happy for Rebecca to be married to Tim and are you content to wish them well on their journey through life?

Response: I am

You will no doubt have realised that this will not be a traditional ceremony or one that you may be familiar with. Having committed to spend the rest of their lives together as husband and wife, Tim and Beck decided to have a Humanist ceremony as this best reflects the way in which they have chosen to live their lives and it also gives them the opportunity to select music, readings and aspirations which have special significance to them.

Humanists believe that, in order to live together harmoniously, each society needs a moral code, but that this morality comes from within ourselves and is not dependent on the teachings of a religion. We see it as our responsibility to lead good and productive lives, whilst showing tolerance, respect and compassion to our fellow citizens and a concern for our planet. But whatever your beliefs and outlook on life, it is important to Tim and Beck that you feel happy in sharing this special occasion with them.

Tim and Beck know that they are fortunate to have each found the right person with whom to share all of life’s inevitable highs and lows and they are thrilled that you are all able to be here to witness their public declaration of commitment to each other. They have chosen to invite you, the people who play different, but very important roles in their lives because they feel your presence adds significance to the occasion, and consequently, to their union. Later in the ceremony, I will ask you all to endorse this, by making your own promise to support them in their relationship.

To open the ceremony, we will hear from Beck’s best friend Sharon, who has chosen to read a passage from Beck’s favourite novel and the first book she ever leant to Tim –Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Louis de Bernieres
Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

So, what do we know of the journey that led us here to witness the marriage of these two people?

Tim grew up in Islington with parents Alison and Tony and his two sisters Nicole and Lauren, who is one of Beck’s bridesmaids today. He describes his younger self as ‘a bit of a pain’ and acknowledges that, had they met when he was still at school, he and Beck would almost certainly have not got along. At the age of eleven Tim and his family moved to Peterborough, after which he spent three very enjoyable years at boarding school before returning home to attend Bourne Grammar. By his own admission, he didn’t work particularly hard, but was fortunately bright enough to still do well and at the age of 18 he succeeded in gaining a place at Hull University to study computer science, equipping him for his job in IT.

Beck, on the other hand, was a very conscientious and well behaved child. Brought up by parents Peter and Susan near Cambridge with younger sister, Rachel – her other bridesmaid – she enjoyed an idyllic country childhood of tree climbing, horse riding and all the other delights of an outdoor life. She loved school and spent much of her spare time with her nose in a book, often in a world of her own. Following her success in her ‘A’ levels, she too chose to continue her education by taking English and American studies at university in Hull, before doing a post graduate course in journalism.

And Hull, of course, is where their story begins.
The whole university experience proved to be a happy and worthwhile one for both Tim and Beck. They each gained the necessary qualifications to pursue their respective chosen careers …and they each met their future partner for life. They were introduced to each other by friends during their first term and were soon regularly mixing in the same social circle. During the following academic year, they were part of a group who chose to share a house, but although the chemistry was apparently obvious to all around them, to the frustration of their friends, their relationship remained platonic. It was only in their third year when, no longer living under the same roof, but still in regular contact, they finally realised what everyone else had known all along.

That was early in 2001 and in the intervening eight and a half years, the love and respect they each feel for the other has blossomed and evolved into a true partnership. They became a couple instead of two individuals – two pieces of a perfectly fitting jigsaw and were both warmly welcomed into the other’s family. Sometimes together and sometimes apart, they continued to enjoy a variety of hobbies and interests, being mature enough to understand that you do not have to share everything in order to share a common goal.

When Tim and Paul, who is his best man today, shared a house in Bourne, Beck was a frequent and welcome weekend visitor, and their relationship went from strength to strength. Tim told me that his dad, Tony, who sadly died two years ago, knew without any doubt that in Beck, his son had found a soul mate and did everything he could to encourage Timothy to propose. And it seems he was not alone.

Tim had long ago realised that the love he and Beck felt for each other would last forever, but decided that he would not propose while others were telling him he should. Eventually it seems, friends tired of their repeated questions and Tim knew the time was right. Having booked a meal and a room at the Olive Branch restaurant, a venue favoured by the couple for special occasions, he proposed to a stunned, but delighted Beck and I need not tell you her answer!

Having received the good wishes of the staff, Beck then had another shock when she called her family to tell them the news and discovered that, apart from her mum, everyone else was in on the secret!

And so Tim and Beck are now here, before friends and family to take their relationship to the next level; to formalise their union and to make a public declaration of their love. In committing to be lifelong partners, they are also forming a new family and, inspired by their own childhood experiences, they hope to create a loving and nurturing environment in which they, and any children they may have together can grow and prosper.

An unknown poet wrote,
‘Our family is a circle of love and strength
With every birth and every union the circle grows
Every joy shared adds more love
Every obstacle faced together makes the circle stronger.’

In the sixteenth century, the Dutch humanist Erasmus, wrote a passage about marriage which is just as true today. He said,

‘What is more sweet than to live with one with whom you are united in body and mind, who talks with you in secret affection, to whom you have committed all your faith and fortune? What in all nature is lovelier? You are bound to friends in affection. How much more to a husband or wife in the highest love, with union of the body, the bond of mutual vows and the sharing of your goods! …Nothing is more safe, tranquil, pleasant and lovable than marriage.’

And that feeling of safety and security is what we all wish for you.

Now before we move on to the more formal part of the proceedings, Catherine, a close friend of Tim and Beck’s from their early days together at University will share with you a reading which she has selected for this occasion.

The Promise
Eileen Rafter

The sun danced on the snow with a sparkling smile,
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(Though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
"I think I might like to get married to you"

"Well then, she said, "Well there's a thought,
But what if we can't promise to be all that we ought,
If I'm late yet again, when we plan to go out.
For I know I can't promise, I'll learn to ignore
Dirty socks and damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can't vow to be all that we should
I'm not sure what to do, though the idea's quite good".
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said

"I promise, to weave my dreams into your own,
That wherever you breathe will be my hearts home.
I promise, that whether with rags or with gold I am blessed
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.

Do you think then, my love, we should marry - do you?"
"Yes" she said smiling "I do".

Thank you.

Timothy and Rebecca will shortly be making solemn promises to each other. Before then, as I mentioned earlier, I will ask you, their guests, to also make a commitment. If you agree with what I am about to say, please reply together, ‘We do’.

‘We have come here today to witness the lifelong commitment that Timothy Jones and Rebecca Speechley are about to make to each other. Do you, their family and friends, pledge to offer them your time, help and wisdom throughout their married life and to support their relationship and respect the promises they will make?’

Response: We do.
Thank you.

Tim and Beck, we have now come to the part of the ceremony where, in the presence of your chosen guests you will make the promises and express the sentiments which you have decided encapsulate your feelings for each other. You have chosen to take turns in speaking these promises, each one being different, but of equal importance.

Tim:
Beck I ask you to marry me, to say I love you does not seem enough. I cannot imagine my life without you - you complete me.

When the burdens of the world are upon me, I just need to be beside you. When the world is against you, I will protect you.

I love you more with each passing day, so I give you my hand, my heart and my love.

Beck:
Tim, thank you so much for finally asking me to marry you. I can't imagine my live without you in it - without you hugs that feel like home and your supremely reassuring logic.

I promise to always try and make you happy, to be by your side and hold your hand no matter what life throws at us. I promise never to let anyone come between us, to always respect you and be faithful to you.

Your love and support are the reason I am who I am today, so with all that I am, I promise to love you forever, be with you always and never let you go.

Timothy, do you promise before these witnesses gathered here to share your life with Rebecca, loving and looking after her, respecting and caring for her and bringing her a lifetime of happiness, tenderness and affection?
Response: I do

Rebecca, do you promise before these witnesses gathered here to share your life with Timothy, loving and looking after him, respecting and caring for him and bringing him a lifetime of happiness, tenderness and affection?
Response: I do

Tim and Beck have made a verbal exchange of promises. They will now exchange rings as a visual and permanent symbol of their union.

Could Claudia please bring the rings? Thank you.

Tim, please place this ring on Beck’s finger and repeat after me,
“I give you this ring”………………..
“as an outward and lasting symbol”……………………
“of my love and our marriage”……………………………….

Beck, please place this ring on Tim’s finger and repeat after me
“I give you this ring”……………………………
“as an outward and lasting symbol”………………………..
“of my love and our marriage”…………………………………..

It is now my privilege and pleasure to pronounce you Husband and Wife.

You may kiss the bride….

Tim and Beck, the wedding is almost over, but your marriage has just begun. On behalf of everyone present, I thank you for allowing us to share in this wonderful occasion and wish you a lifetime of love, adventure, happiness and fulfillment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, your bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. Jones…

We walk back up the aisle to the sound of Me and Mrs Jones - sung by the marvellous Mr Buble.

Thank you for indulging me with my memories. We'd love to hear your favourite memories of our day so feel free to leave comments on the blog. And even if you weren't there we'd love to know what you think. xx

PS you can make the pictures bigger by clicking on them.